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Jan. 26th, 2011


New Rule.

Michelle Bachmann has a new nickname.

Henceforth, she shall be known as Balloon Head Bachmann.

That is all.

Dec. 15th, 2010


A Yuletide Rap

My lords and my ladies of the royal blogging court, I present to you, the timeless classic A Christmas Carol by The Hip Charlie Dickens, translated into the grammatic of the hip by the immortal Lord Richard Buckley.

"Yes, me, I'm Scrooge and I got all Marley's barley, and I'm the baddest cat in all dis world. I been studyin' all my life how to Scrooge people, and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction."


"Yes, sir."

"You busy?"

"I shorely is, sir."

"See dat you keep busy. Don't want no danglin' wanglin' around here. Keep everybody tight. And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money I ain't givin' no money away."

"Dey messin' wit Scrooge. I'm takin' it in. I ain't puttin' it out. Issat clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, keep it clear. People comin' around here wantin' my gold dat's all, tryin' to pry into my vault. Every time I turn around somebody's tryin' to snap...
"Tell my nephew I don't want to have no dinner wid him an' if he never comes in here again dat'll be too soon."

"I'll tell de cat."

"See dat ya do.

"I don't understand dese people who are after my gold. I close up dis here place and den dey ...

"What, what? Yeah, let me tell you somethin else - You think that you gonna get off Christmas day?"

"Well I was hopin', sir, dat you'd let me knock off just a little while for Christmas Eve cause I want to go home and cool da goose."

"Well if you gonna get off Christmas Eve you gonna have to work aaalllll day Christmas. You hear me?"

"I hear ya, sir. I'm wid it."

"Well I guess I'll go on home here."

So Scrooge takes off and he cuts on down the street. And the snow's blowin' and da winds is wooooooooin', and Scrooge is goin' along in his loose soul and his loose clothes and his hard cash box and his big money mind goin' on in his wig and he ding ding ding up da stairs and he open his door and he gets inside and he puts a double lock on da door cause he a little bugged tonight.
He bein' sayin' "Humbug" so long, "Humbug dis," an' "Humbug dat," he done give himself a natural Humbug.

He's got da bug hummin' in him, see. So he double-lock da door.
And he sit dere and all of a sudden dere's an old bell layin' over dere in the corner
and da bell goes, "ding-ding-ding-ding" and Scrooge say, "Whassat?"

Dang- dong. "Whassat?"

Bell started ringin' "DING DONG DOONG DOONG" Pretty soon all da bells all over the house started ringin'

"Ding Ding Dang Dang Dong
Ring Dong Boom Boom, Ding dong,
Boom boom"

And he hear somethin'like some chain cats are pullin' all da chains from the chains of time up the hill 'a strife ringing' and dinglin' wid his whole head ringin' and dingin' wid dem chains.

And bloooop! in come a cat, da wildest lookin' cat ya ever see in his life.

Real gone cat.

And Scrooge does a real wild take
"I know who dat stud is - dat's Marley! I know dat's Marley!

What's he doin' here? Say, Marley?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Man, you sure chained up dere, man, you got chainsville all over you dere!"

"Well, I put em on myself, dat's da way I lived it. I chained myself. I hung myself up wid all dese chains, you know, bein' parsimonious, ya understand what I mean? I can't get 'em off now.
I been luggin' dese chains all over da country for the past seven years."

"Dat's a long time. What's you want wit me dere, Marley Marley? cause I got your barley."

"I don't mess wid no barley no more. I wish I'd given it all away when I had it and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else, too, I'm a spook, you know dat."

"You tellin' me. I know dat. You a spook, man, an' I wanna get straight."

"I'm gonna tell you somethin else, too, Mr. Scroogie Scrooge, dere gonna be three more gas lightin' spooks comin' in to see you."

"Three more gas lightin' spooks. Say, one spook's enough. Can't I have 'em all at one time?"

"No. Dey comin' one at a time. First one be eleven, next one be twelve, next one'll be one."

"Man, if I had known this..."

"Tell you what. You dig, Scrooge, it's what you puttin' down. You been a real sorry cat all dis time. You gonna be gassed now by dese spooks."

"Well, dey say if I gotta be gassed..Ain't gonna cost me no money, is it?"

"Cost you more 'n dat, Scrooge."

"Dey ain't no more den money!"

"You find out."


And Marley split. And old Scrooge is sittin' dere sweatin' and dinglin' danglin'.
And all of a sudden, man, he hears some crazy wild kind of a thing goin' on.

He don't know just what it is and all of a sudden . . .Boom!

Here comes a great big fat spook, look like takes a hundred and seventy wings lift him off over da house top and he's got de old beat up cat and spandly legs, and strangly arms and pedicured eyes, and a whole out of his skull wiggin' up a storm and he looks at old Scrooge and he says...

Scrooge is standin' dere in the corner he feel like a disrupted small disregarded and unclaimed white mice midget-style, he's sittin' over dere.

And dis spook say, "Come wid me 'cause I is The Ghost of da Christmas Past!"

And Scrooge say, "Do I hafta?"

Say, "You certainly do!"

And he got on the ghost's wing and - brrt - they took off.

And he's flyin' old Scrooge over da top of da mountain da wind is blowin', da wind is partin' his way, and he's lookin' down, and seein' all dese crazy scenes goin' on.


He goes over a few more miles, takes him down to a sun-lit pasture.

And da sun-lit pasture's full of children, and de're singin' and dancin' and lovin' and goin' and swingin'
and Scrooge say, "Look, look, look! Dat's me down dere!"

"Yeah, dat's you, dat's you."

"I look pretty good"

"Yeah but ya don't look good now,"

He say, "I wanna hip you gotta get yourself ?


He takes him over to another place and he shows him a pretty little chick got dimples, three dimples on each chin, and she got three little dimpled children, and the next little dimple on da way, and dere's a real swingin' cat around there, and it's a happy time, looks like seventeen carnivals takin' off.

An' Scrooge look at dis chick and say, "I remember dat chick. I could 'a married her once."

"Yeah, you coulda if you wasn't so tight wid your purse. You all was thinkin' about yourself, dat's what happened."

"Let me hip you further, Mister Scrooge, let me tell you one thing: you better get everything straight that you wanna and you better straighten up."
"An' take me home."
"Yeah, I will."
Brrrrm Boom

And he's home again. So man, that was a shaker.
This whole thing, this whole thing is shakin' me up pretty bad. He say, I want to tell you right now . . .


Here comes another big spook

Ooooohhhh He's a wild lookin' spook. He's a crazy lookin' spook. He's a far-out spook, he's a gas-light spook. He's got a gas light right on the top of his wig goin' around like one of them dramatic pilot lights in a light house and he's there gassin' up the whole scene.

He say "Come with me. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present" and Scrooge look around and sees the joint is loaded with apples and bananas and oranges and credalies and acralonchs and ripalips all kinds of crazy wild grapes and crazy Chistmas scenes and nuts and candy.
And he say, "Come wid me."


Done took off again, he said "I am The Ghost of Christmas Present."
He say, "I'm gonna show you what's goin' on in dis world and how to dig Christmas and how to all enjoy and he took him up to a little old outcast and there sittin on a small beat-up rock was two studs chompin' up on a can 'a beans singin',

"Merry Christmas widch you, Merry Christmas widch you. Merry Christmas to the whole world" And so on and so forth.
And he showin' him the people jumpin' for joy, see how the cats that ain't got nothin' got somethin' anyway, and they're all jumpin' for joy singin' "Merry Christmas," and da bells is ringin'.
Now you get yourself straight and see how things is ....So they fly over da Cratchit's place, there little old Tiny Tim, He's sittin' over in the corner crochetin' a little crazy scene, fiddlin' around, ya know what I mean? An carryin' on, see, and they are all talkin' about this here goose, and dey look down here and this little goose about the size of a beat up retarded sparrow, and everybody's ooohin' and aahhhin' all over dis goose, and day sayin' when are we gonna spread it, and Tiny Tim say, "God bless everyone, and even up to and including Scroogy Scrooge.

“God bless everyone!" That's what Tiny Tim say. And old Scrooge got red-eyed.

Brrrrt .

Took 'im back again. Sound like the whole side 'a the buildin' open up and in come a long angular spook seventeen gas lights and stove pipes hung together with jingle jangle bells all over. Scrooge takes a look at this cat, says, "Do I have to go with you?"
He says, "You certainly do, 'cause I'm The Ghost of Christmas Future." He say, "Come wid me."

Say, "Where we goin'?"

"None 'o your business!"

He takes old Scrooge they cut off flyin' around the moonlight is shinin' down.


They're in the grave-yard.

Oooh a wild OOOOoooohhhh crazy spooky graveyard and Scrooge is walkin' around and finally something stepped out at him like he was struck with the force of his eye lids, some sort of an electronic pitchfork, and he reads on one of them billboards in that grave-yard, it say, "Dis is Scrooge, the baddest cat that ever lived.

He don't have nothin' he ain't got nothin' and he ain't got nothin now."


And Scrooge looked at it and . . .They're going to another place, and there's a cat say "You goin' to the funeral?" and he say, "Not me, man, I wouldn't go near that cat, dead or alive.

They couldn't pay me to get near that cat."
Say, "What cat is that?"
And suddenly Scrooge is takin' in the coffin factory and seeing all these coffins layin' around, and see one coffin, all the rest of 'em got flowers around 'n 'dis poor little coffin got nothin on it but just some pinewood boards an' old Scrooge look up and over and he's lookin' at this and that and look all away 'cause he knows who is in dat coffin.


He's swings on back again and the ghost puts him down and old Scrooge is shakin' and shiverin' and he finally falls into a real wild, crazy miser's coma.

And he falls out for how long he don't know when and he wakes up and Mornin'!

Aaaaahh, the sun was shinin' on the glorious snow and old Scrooge is feelin' so groovey 'n so wired and he tip tip tip tip tip toes over to the window.
He open the window, see a little cat, he say, "Hey, boy."
"Yes, sir."
"You know that great big giant king-size bird down in Doodley's window?"
"You mean the prize bird?"
"No," he say, "I mean that great big king-size bird."
Say, "Go get that bird. Here's a twenty."

He knocks a twenty on him. "Go get dat bird. And here's ten more for a cab, an here's five dollar for your sister, and here's twenty-two-fifty for your uncle's new bicycle.
Tell anyone who wants anything, 'See Scrooge.'
I'm flyin' this here Christmas. I want to see Cratchit swing out with a great big swingin' happy dinner.
I'm wid it all da way!" An' old Scrooge get dressed and he's walkin' down the street,
and Ding Dong, Ding Dong Ding, the bells is ringin'.
Scrooge got a big smile on his face, and people he's seen for twenty years never said hello,sayin'
"Good morning, Mr. Scrooge."
"What you say, Baby?"
An' he carryin' on, carryin' on, happy as the day is long.And he finally fell into old Bob Cratchit's place
and he's got Christmas toys and Christmas joys and Christmas presents for everybody.

And they'd just opened the goose, and then little Tiny Tim see him comin', he say, "God bless Mr. Scrooge.
He done did the turn about. He's the Lord's boy today."

And that's the story of Scrooge. You can get wid it if you want to. There's only one way straight to the Road of Love.

Writer's Block: Stardust memories

What is the your most cherished holiday memory from childhood, and why?

I suppose it would have to be the first Xmas we spent back in the house on Howard Avenue, when my brother and I got one of those huge army men collections. It was the one that had green guys and tan guys and the tan guys had their own mountain and everything.

Sep. 13th, 2010


Who Killed "Heroes"?

Greetings Sportsfans,

No time for introductions, so here we go...

Who killed "Heroes"? Rather than dance on the corpse as many fanboys (and some critics who should know better. Topless Robot, I'm lookin' at YOU) are wont to do, let's investigate, shall we?

Suspect #1, the Viewing Public; According to Wikipedia:
The pilot episode generated 14.3 million viewers, with the season high topping out at 16.03 million viewers for episode 9. When the series returned from hiatus on January 22, 2007, the ratings averaged about the same as the pilot with 14.9 million viewers. When the show went on a second hiatus during the first season, from March 4, 2007 to April 23, 2007 (7 weeks), ratings hit a new low; the lowest being 11.14 million viewers during part one of the three part finale, "The Hard Part." In season two, the opener was consistent in the ratings, however, week-by-week, the ratings continued to dive, reaching another new low for the series on episode seven, "Out of Time", with only 9.87 million viewers. Although the ratings were lower than average, this episode was considered to be a turning point for the declining season, as a major plot twist was introduced and the volume's "big picture storyline" was presented. The season two/volume 2 finale generated 11.06 million viewers in the ratings, down more than 3 million viewers from the season opener and series pilot.
While the show premiered with high ratings, ratings have been slowly diminishing. The first episode of season 2 was the highest viewed, whereas each successive season has had fewer viewers than the one preceding it.
Season three of Heroes started with strong ratings that dropped steadily throughout the season. The season's finale placed last in its timeslot.

Looking at those numbers, it’s plain to see that the suspect in this case is not the viewing audience. Sure, you could make the case that viewers wouldn’t know a good thing if it hit them on the head, but it’s not quite that simple. The first season (arguably it’s best, which is rare in a genre show such as this) had the highest ratings, and was a sure fire winner. Thing is, the second season was supposed to be a continuation of the awesome. There was just one problem; the looming WGA strike. Those of us who keep track of these things were watching with concern, because without writers, you have no show, full stop. Sure, you have your camera crew, your sound crew, and all the things that make the show run, but without writers, you have a reality show, and there are too many of those right now as it is.
So the WGA strike was going to happen, which meant that the arc that was supposed to continue in Season 2 got effectively cut in half. This means that plotlines and story arcs that were supposed to take a full season got trimmed down to fit in the time they had. For conventional writing, this is fine, but in scripted TV and movie land, this was a mess. Not helping matters after the show came back was how much input the fans had on the show. This leads me to my next suspect…
Suspect #2: The Fans.
One of the hallmarks of a very successful show is not just drawing in casual views, but keeping a core audience. This way, even if the ratings are low, you can still say to the suits, “Hey, we’re not great, but we still have a solid core of people who watch the show.” Problem with this, however, is love: Fanboys love their shows, so if something changes that they don’t like, well…in the days past, many watched anyway because alternatives were thin on the ground. Nowadays, there are other things to watch, so the show better be damn good. In addition, fanboys might be the best for support, but you really shouldn’t rely on them for ideas. Most of their ideas are…well, let’s be kind and say that they involve themselves in intimate ways. (No, no Rule 34 here, get your mind outta the gutter.)
Also, if something changes, many of those core fans will say “They changed it, now it sucks” and will leave in droves. This can only say to the suits in charge that the show needs to go. This leads to my next suspect…
Suspect #3: The Executives at NBC Universal.
No, they’re not at fault here, as much as they have interfered in other shows, (Evidence A: Firefly, Evidence B: Brimstone, Evidence C: Star Trek: TOS, et cetera, et cetera…) because they gave Tim Kring and company plenty of room to move about.
Suspect #4: Tim Kring, show creator.
Now here, as they say, is where the plot thickens. Tim Kring came out of the gate roaring with season one. Generally speaking, this hasn’t happened often in TV land. Usually it takes a show a half a season or more to find its’ voice and solidify. Not so with Heroes. Right away the mystery was “Who are these people and how can they do what they do?” Then they reveal a little more, and the writing just keeps getting better and better. Then the WGA strike happened. Some might argue that Kring and company just didn’t care, and were throwing ideas against the wall and going with whatever stuck. Cynical, yes, and also wrong. Here’s why: Writing for a TV show such as this is a collaborative process. You have to make sure that everyone knows where the storyline is headed before you write the character. This takes time, time that they didn’t have because of the WGA strike. (You probably see where I am going with this.)
Suspect #5: The WGA strike.
When it was announced, the WGA was a blow to the entertainment industry. Existing projects that were in production were stopped completely. This affected Hollywood in profound ways; so much so that some shows never really recovered from it, and the large amount of reality shows is the result. When the strike was announced, the second season had begun. This meant that what they’d originally planned had to be either cancelled (as was the case for the planned Exodus arc, which talked about the release of the Shanti virus) or reorganized (originally, Villains was supposed to be the fourth volume, but had to get moved up to the third volume because they ran out of ideas.) If you’re an experienced show runner, you can work from this (one wonders what might have been if Joss Whedon came on as a creative consultant) but if you’re not, and Kring has some experience but not anything remotely like this. Even an experienced hand might not have saved the show.

I believe that the death of the show was caused by several things: Declining viewership because of uneven storylines caused by the WGA strike which cause the writers of the show to scramble to try to make up for lost time, which was made even worse because things that would have been explained in detail got barely mentioned or just out and out removed because of the truncated season two.
Personally speaking, I am glad that NBC made the hard call and cancelled the show. For no other reason than it has opened the door for potentially better shows to come along, like ABC’s No Ordinary Family or NBC’s The Cape. Both of which look interesting and I cannot wait to see what they bring to the table.

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Sep. 8th, 2010


Rant in A minor...

I know it's been a long time, but here goes...

Read more...Collapse )

These are just a few of my ideas. If anyone has any other ideas, feel free to share.

Saint Dharma, who feels MUCH better now

Jul. 1st, 2010


Saintly Updates

So here's the news:

Andrea and I have moved out of the Hellhole that was the house in Donelson. We have moved into a nice apartment complex off of Murfreesboro Road. It's not new, but it's nice and well run. It even has a pool (for those of you in my area that want to come and take a dip, bring your swimsuit.) I will write more about the Pain that Was, but I just wanted to let everyone know that we are fit and hale.

Th-th-th-That's All Folks.

Posted via email from Dharma's Musings

May. 10th, 2010


Saintly Midnight Musings

Well, it was a typical day today.  I woke up, did some of my homework, watched the landlord's grandmother and made sure she was fed and watered both in the morning and afternoon.  So I head off to school, and it's the usual day.  Nothing of note.  Then yr. humble blogger gets home...


Then all hell breaks loose.  No sooner have I gotten home then W. (one of the landlords) got a call from his sister.  His mother went to sleep and didn't wake up.  So yours' truly drove him over there, because that's what I do and that's how I roll.  I get there, drop him off, give hugs and such to those that need it, and I get sent on my merry way while he takes care of things over at his sisters' house.

So I get home, thinking everything is sooner have I got my coat off than I get a call from R. (the other landlord)  Apparently, he is skint broke and needs to come home.  Apparently W. and his sister are getting into a donnybrook over at her house, and R. needs to get home and can he borrow some money to get a bus ticket.  (I am deliberately leaving some of the details out, mainly because it's a mess and... well, let's just say it's a mess and leave it at that.)

So he asks me, I say no, I don't have it.  He asks me to ask Andrea if she can float it.  I have a good feeling I know what the answer is.  No.  Not because we don't care, and not because we're heartless, but because We're Broke!  He says he's gonna pay us back, but it's rare when we have loaned money that we have been paid back.  And don't get me started on what he owes Andrea for watching his grandmother.  She was getting paid less than minimum wage by my calculations. 


Basically, I want to help, but I am helped out.  How are we gonna help when we can barely help ourselves?




Anyway, that's all for now.


Posted via web from Dharma's Musings

May. 9th, 2010


Dharma's Musings

So I realize that I haven't posted anything in a while, so I think it's time I update the rest of my folks on here as to what I've been doing.

First, I have enrolled in Kaplan Career Institute here in Nashville.  I am currently into their Comptuer Support Technician program, which covers everything from what you need to know to pass the COMPTIA A+ Certification test (which I will be taking the first part of on the 20th), to Network Fundamentals and I will be learning about Linux (which I already have a leg up on thanks to messing around with Ubuntu) as well as a number of other things which are related to the field. 

My plan is that I get some kind of help desk job, or something related to PC Repair like Best Buy Geek Squad or something similar.  Also, I have been engaged to Andrea since November of last year.  We were planning on getting handfasted at PUF this year, but it wasn't meant to be. See, I got fired from the Burger King at Opry Mills.  They forgot to mention that they print the email of the Area Manager on every receipt.  Apparently someone just didn't like the cut of my jib, so they fired off an email.  I already had some dings on my record, so that was the last one.  Though to be fair, it was probably for the best, since the whole damn mall got flooded out last weekend.

Oh, yeah...I live in Nashville.  We didn't get flooded out, but there were a lot of folks that weren't as lucky.

Where was I?  Oh, right...  So Andrea quit her job at the mall, hadn't been able to work for reasons I won't discuss here for time reasons, but she was able to find work at the Dunkin Donuts at the MTA Bus Station downtown.  So things are more or less looking up.


Anyway, that's all I have for now.


Posted via web from Dharma's Musings


Testing the waters...

So I've been puttering around a bit, and found this neat little site called Posterous.  Apparently it posts things automatically for you across your blogs without having to go to each one individually.   So here's me, testing the waters of the blogosphere. 


Posted via web from Dharma's Musings

Mar. 3rd, 2010


Writer's Block: High notes

If you could only listen to one music genre for the rest of your life (classical, rock, jazz, etc.), what would you choose, and why?

If I had to choose, it would be Classic Rock. Why? Because it's something that relaxes me more than classical. I grew up listening to bands like Thin Lizzy, The Byrds, Steely Dan, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen and whole host of others. It's music that I listen to while I am trying to sleep, when I want something in the background, etc.

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